Not Loving Yourself? Learn How To Love Today

This post is all about how to love again when you are not loving yourself. It will examine what the Bible says about love and teach you how to replace lies with truth in who you are in Christ.

You look in the mirror and see disappointment, maybe feel unvalued, feel nothing, or perhaps feel disgust.

When you are not loving yourself, there are a lot of different things that can cause you to have a lack of self-love.

Could it be that you have a voice from someone who has been in your life or past trauma that you replay over and over that are lies? It might be that you find yourself scrolling on social media and comparing yourself to others. Now you may believe you are not worthy of love, not lovable, and now you are not loving yourself.

Unfortunately, those lies in your mind you believe are now facts, and you perceive them as your reality.

That negative self-talk that replays in your mind can be relentless. It criticizes every decision, every flaw, every shortcoming. It may be that not only do you not love yourself, but you have started to hate yourself.

This reality of yours is not something that has happened in a moment, but over time. It is a belief that has been a process of lies that has become your truth.

In my own life, I have struggled with negative self-perceptions and with low self-esteem. My mom, one of the wisest people I have known, would always tell me, ‘You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.' She was not meaning for me to self-indulge or put myself first, she was telling me I needed to not start each day with an empty tank. It was important to value myself and not just others. I needed to believe the truth about who I was in Christ. To take care of myself physically and mentally. It was important to get enough sleep and eat nutritious foods.

Sit with me, let's look at Biblical truths and learn how to love, starting with today, when you are not loving yourself.

First, let's look at the truth and what Scripture says about love.

Love is a command.

Matthew 22:37-39 (NLT), Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

God is love, and you were created in His image.

Genesis 1:27 (NIV), “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV), ” For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

1 John 4:19 (NIV), “We love because he first loved us.”

Loving yourself means caring for yourself.

Ephesians 5:28-30 (NIV), “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV), “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

It is important to note what loving yourself does NOT mean.

This is very clear in Scripture: self-love does not mean being proud, arrogant, unholy, or a lover of self above God.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NIV), But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

Satan is on the prow, the ruler of this world and ramping things up in these last days…Do not let him win your battle!

The enemy wants you not to love yourself. If you do not love yourself and have negative thoughts about yourself, it can paralyze your purpose for what God created you to be. It will have a negative effect on how you love others and on your response to God's love.

John 10:10 (NKJV), The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

God created you in His image, and Jesus came to give you an abundant life.

So, not loving yourself… Let's begin your journey now and learn how to begin to start loving yourself today.

It is a process. You did not get to where you are in one day, so give yourself grace on this self-love journey.

Overcoming not loving yourself begins with understanding who you are in Christ.

Self-love means accepting your identity in Christ and walking in that truth daily. Breaking this cycle starts with aligning your self-perception with God's Word, not your feelings or past failures.

The first step is renewing your mind with God's truth.

Romans 12:2 (NIV), “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2 (NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

I wanted to cite both the New International Version (NIV) and the New Living Translation (NLT) for this verse so you could understand it more clearly. It is clear that only by renewing your mind you will then learn to know God's will for you, which is good, pleasing, and perfect.

The Lord wants good things for you and healthy relationships including with yourself.

When you are not loving yourself, you ask yourself, how do I begin to have self-love?

Here are some steps to begin renewing your mind.

1. Identify the lie.

Write down the negative thoughts exactly as you replay them in your mind. For example: ‘I am worthless', ‘I can't do anything,' ‘nobody could love me.'

2. Find the Biblical truth.

Search Scripture and replace the lie with truth, and write it down.

‘I am worthless' replace it with truth Psalm 139:14 (NIV), …I am fearfully and wonderfully made…

‘I can't do anything' replace it with Philippians 4:13 (NLT), For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

‘No body could love me' replace it with Biblical truth Jeremiah 31:3 (ESV), … I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

3. Speak it out loud.

It is time to begin to rewire your thoughts and speak truth over yourself. By reading Biblical truth aloud, you see it, plus you hear it. You need to hear it over and over until you begin to replace the lies with Biblical truth.

4. Write it down and place it everywhere.

Put sticky notes on your mirror, in your car, on your phone, journal it, in the laundry room, places you will see it multiple times a day. Flood your environment with God's perspective.

This is not positive self-talk. It is going to battle with the Word of God. Ephesians 6:17 (NIV), “Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Be consistent with these powerful words from Scripture.

5. Read Scripture, the Word of God.

Reading the Holy Bible and learning who God is and His character is crucial. You will then gain a better understanding of these truths and be able to replace the lies you believe more easily. The Lord gives us the Bible as a guide in life.

6. Prayer changes everything.

The Lord wants to know your heart and have a personal relationship with you. When you pray, you simply communicate with the Lord. Talk to Him, tell Him your struggles, and lay them at the cross.

Be consistent daily and throughout the day in renewing your mind and going to the Lord in prayer.

Along with renewing your mind, when you're not loving yourself, practice self-compassion without self-worship.

Would you talk to your close friend like you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, then what makes it acceptable to speak to yourself like that?

Self-compassion is treating yourself with kindness. It does not mean self-indulgence.

Renewing your mind and practicing self-compassion are processes.

When you fail and speak the lies, give yourself grace, surrender it to the Lord, and start again to replace it with truth.

Jesus loves you. You are loved and worthy. Christ shed His blood for you! He made you in HIS image. God does not make mistakes. Wow!

You can start by building a foundation of self-compassion.

1 John 3:20 (NIV), “If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”

The Lord knows you and your heart. He wants you to go to Him in prayer and have a personal relationship with you. The Creator of the world LOVES YOU!

To practice self-compassion is learned.

That is why you will need to practice it daily.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

If you find yourself comparing yourself to your neighbor or on social media, please stop. This is not healthy. There is no one else like you. God did not make copycats; you are unique and special. That is what sets you apart.

When I grew up, if I would say to my mom, but _____ is doing it. She would immediately tell me it does not matter who is doing it. You are not them. This became so ingrained in my thinking, and I am thankful for that life lesson she gave me at such a young age.

Forgive yourself.

If you mess up, go to the Lord, ask for forgiveness, and forgive yourself. If you were already perfect, you would not need a Savior. This keeps you humble.

Give yourself grace. God came to earth as a man, Jesus Christ, lived a blameless life, was crucified on the cross for you, and shed His blood for your sins. Rose from the grave three days later and conquered death to give you and me eternal life.

1 John 1:9 (NIV), “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

No one who has ever lived here on earth is perfect, but Jesus Christ. Strive to be holy and have Him be your example of how you are to treat yourself and others. Your example is holiness, not others.

Create healthy boundaries.

Create boundaries that honor God and yourself.

I mentioned earlier that my mom would always tell me to take care of myself so I could take care of others. She did not mean to self-indulge or to love people less.

This is where you have to create healthy boundaries. It took me a while to understand and learn this. It is okay to say NO.

When you are completely worn down and living on an empty tank, that is when Satan moves in. You believe those lies. Remember that Satan is on the prowl, looking for anyone to kill, steal, and destroy. This includes your peace, your heart, and the way you value yourself.

It is when you do not protect your time, and you are overcommitted and exhausted. I am guilty of this from my own personal experiences. You, like me, might have a hard time doing this, but when you protect your time, you will find yourself in a better place.

Protect what you see and hear. What you consume around you can be unhealthy and triggers for you to believe the lies. This is where K-love radio has been such a blessing to my family and me. It is positive, encouraging music. We listen to it in our home 24/7 and have it playing in our car. Music is powerful.

For your own well-being, it is important to remove toxic relationships.

Proverbs 13:20 (NIV), “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Creating boundaries is not selfish. They are biblical.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV), “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

You cannot guard your thoughts or your heart if you do not put up protective barriers. Scripture tells us to do that.

This may or may not be for you, but if you are involved in romantic love and not valued, or feel negative emotion when you are around certain people. I encourage you to seek God and get out of those toxic relationships. Protect yourself. True love does not tear down or gaslight.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV), “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”

Daily acts of self-love are key in moving from not loving yourself to loving yourself.

Self-love is an action that is practiced daily.

You can begin each day with prayer as soon as you open your eyes.

Pray for God's perception of you over your own. Root yourself in Biblical truths from the moment you wake up. If you have already written down your lies and replaced them with truths, learn at least one of those truths and pray that Bible verse over you to start your day.

Throughout your day, continue to speak truth and value yourself as Christ values you.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV), “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

Daily self-love includes taking care of your body. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you, so honor God with your body.

Acts of self-love do not mean to put your own needs above those of others and self-indulge.

You are to take care of your physical health on a regular basis, by eating nutritious foods, drinking plenty of water, and exercising.

Throughout your day, when the lies begin to creep into your mind, immediately replace them with Biblical truth and stand on the promises of God.

Surround yourself with a positive and encouraging environment.

At the end of the day, write down or journal something you are grateful for about yourself. Write down positive things about what you accomplished, or God's blessings, and how you saw God's love.

Think about the blessings of the day. In tough times, this is even more important. All these things add up, and it is important to recognize them.

As you reflect on your day, if you made mistakes, give yourself grace. Recognize the mistake, or the lie you told yourself, and surrender it. Give it to the Lord. I always visualize a cross, and I lay each burden, each thought that was not true, at the cross. After you lay it at the cross and give it to the Lord, stop replaying it in your mind over and over. You were not made to carry the burdens of this world. You and I have a Savior to help us.

The importance of self-love is real.

It takes hard work to change how you think about yourself. You are learning to see yourself through God's eyes and learning to honor and care for His creation, YOU.

When you learn to have self-love your purpose becomes clearer because you're not paralyzed by the lies and self-doubt.

A loving relationship with yourself will be felt by those around you. Your relationships improve because you are no longer seeking validation from others.

It is a learning process, standing on Biblical truths and cooperating with the Holy Spirit who lives inside you as He reveals truth and heals your heart.

Next time a lie creeps in, speak truth, lay it at the cross, because there is hope and His name is Jesus.

Loving yourself is a big deal, and it is Biblical when you love yourself as Christ teaches. Your faith deepens because you finally believe God when He says you are loved.

Remember, you are in a process of transformation. It is a journey, and every step forward is worth it.

Celebrate those small wins because small wins are progress.

Start today with one Scripture, one truth about yourself, and one moment of self-compassion for yourself.

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, you can come as you are.

I created this website and write blogs to share my faith and how it has changed my life. I want that for you.

The Lord wants you to come to Him just as you are. You do not need to get your life together first, just go to Him.

To invite Jesus into your heart, simply pray from your heart.

Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, and I invite you into my heart to live. I believe you lived a blameless life here on earth, were crucified, and shed Your blood for me. You conquered death and rose from the grave three days later. Thank you for dying for me and forgiving me of my sins. Lord, I believe that you left the Holy Spirit behind when you ascended to heaven to live inside of me and guide me. Help me to be hungry for your word so I can stand on truth. Transform me into a new life in Christ. Thank you for loving me just as I am. I want to live my life for you. Help me, Lord, to transform my mind in how I think about myself. I want to see myself as you see me. Thank you for being my Lord and Savior. I love you, Jesus. In Jesus name, Amen.

If you just prayed this prayer, I am so excited for you.

You will witness the power of God in your life when you pray, trust Him and have faith.

Please go visit my Grow Your Faith page. There you will find free resources in your new walk with Christ.

It would be a privilege to pray for you. Please visit my Rooted In Prayer page and fill out the form provided. Prayer is powerful and there will be a team of people praying for you.

Music is powerful.

Music can speak to you and change your day. It is a great reminder of Biblical truth. Here are a few songs you might find helpful in renewing your mind.

You Say by Lauren Daigle

Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin

I Am Your Beloved by Jonathan Helser, Melissa Melser

A prayer for you.

Dear Lord, thank you for loving me and showing me how to love others and myself. Help me to renew my mind, not of things of this world, but change my way of thinking based on truth, from Your Word. Holy Spirit, I want to hear Your voice and for You to guide my every step each day. Help me to be still and listen to you alone. Hear my prayer, Lord, that I may be an example for you, and that I may show your love through me. I believe you created me in Your Image, and you do not make mistakes. Lord, remind me that I am worthy, valued, and loved by You. I want to hear your truth and renew my mind for Your glory, not mine. Thank you for shedding your blood on the cross for my sins, for rising from the grave, and for giving me eternal life. You paid the price for me. Thank You, Lord. Please, forgive me of my sins. I do not want to miss a single blessing You have for me today. Help me to stay alert to Your presence as I go about my day. I love you, Lord, and I want to live for you. In Jesus name, Amen.

I pray that you know how much you are loved and valued.

Keep your eyes on Jesus, friend.

He is faithful.

God is good all the time.

Pray. Trust, and have faith!

Jesus loves YOU!

This post was all about how to love again when you are not loving yourself. It examined what the Bible says about love and how to replace lies with truth in who you are in Christ.

“FAITH CRUSHES FEAR BECAUSE HOPE IS ETERNAL AND LOVE NEVER FAILS.”

Hello! I'm Ruth