Loving An Addict: 13 Life Changing Tips For Loving Yourself

This post is designed for you to gain insight to help you better love yourself when loving an addict. It includes helpful tips to live your best life possible with addiction in your life and not a life of chaos.

I am creating this blog because when we walked through this unfamiliar territory, I could not find much helpful information to help guide us. I was looking for insight. I pray that you find some value in this.

Come along with me and learn some life changing tips for loving yourself when loving an addict.

You may feel like a rain cloud is over you and following you around. You are not alone, at times, I felt like this.

Does your life feel like it is on a roller-coaster in the chaos of addiction from a family member?

The phone rings. Your stomach drops. You are not sure what you will hear when you answer the phone. Will the addicted person need money, gas, food, or a ride, or maybe it is a call to inform you that he is on the way to the hospital from a near overdose, or is it the call to let you know that he has been picked up and is now in jail?

This addicted person in our life was our son. To get a more clear picture, the drugs of choice: methamphetamine, prescription drugs (pain killers), heroin and fentanyl.

To gain an even better understanding of what our journey has looked like. My husband has lived this life with one of his sons for over twenty years, another son for nearly eight years, and the mother of the two boys for more years.

I came into the picture in 2010, and we married in 2013. Both boys were adults, struggling with addiction, and did not live in our home. I had never been around addiction, and it was something I would hear on the news or in a movie. So, this was all new territory for me.

Over the past few years, both of the boys have become free of addiction. The journey has not been perfect, but recovery and sobriety are real.

When loving an addict, if allowed, drug addiction can consume and control every area of your life.

Drug addictions are very scary, especially when they are ones that you love. You fear the worst. It seems to control every area of your life. You can't talk to others about it. No one can fully understand the pain and heartache it causes until you walk through it. It feels like a life of chaos.

Until you have some time to process the roller-coaster chaos of addiction, it is hard to see past the now. My friend, it is time to get off that roller coaster and control your life.

Try some of these 13 tips for your sanity and to live your best life possible when loving an addict and loving yourself.

1. Create Healthy Boundaries:

We learned as a married couple to be on the same page and set boundaries. Our sons were not allowed to stay the night at our home unless they were drug-free. They were always welcome in our house when we were at home and invited to our family gatherings.

2. Pre-Decide:

We learned that deciding the plan before it happened was best. For example, if our son called and needed money, we would find out what he needed the money for and, if necessary, get the item and not give him cash. If he needed food, we would get him food instead of money. If he called from jail, he was to stay in jail. If he needed a ride, it depended on where he wanted to go. Until we learned to pre-decide, it was a life of chaos, and the addictive behaviors controlled us.

3. Self-Care:

We learned that we had to practice self-care for both our mental health and physical health, or the roller-coaster chaos of addiction would destroy us. We had to do this for our sanity. We started making it a priority to be outside in nature. For us, that meant walking on the bike trail, bike rides, playing pickleball, golfing, and working out.

Self-care, for you, may look different. It may be reading a good book, taking a long bath, escaping in a movie, or whatever your go-to is. You must stay strong mentally, physically, and spiritually because it can and will take a toll on you if you don't intentionally practice this.

4. Communicate:

This is key. If you are married, communicate with your spouse and keep an open line of communication with the person with an addiction. Communication is complex at times.

For us, I wanted to talk about it. My husband wanted to forget about it. While we were learning to communicate, it took some small doses of discussion, and timing was everything. We learned to discuss the next step so we could decide what we were going to do and already have a plan. As we did this, communication became more manageable. Life became easier.

Open communication with your loved one struggling with addiction is crucial for recovery. It is vital to make it clear that full support is available when they are ready for help and want to begin sober living.

5. Accept the Truth:

Addiction is real. Denial is not a friend to you or the person with an addiction. Stop making excuses for the behavior. Accepting the truth was a hard lesson for us. We would want to believe what they were telling us was true. We wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. The sooner you face it head-on and get past denial, the better your life will be.

6. If Incarcerated:

This is a place of mixed emotions, but also a place of relief. It is a time to detox. When you go to bed, you know they are safe. They have food and shelter. It is a great time to communicate better when your loved one is drug-free. It is a fantastic time to discuss their plans for life after incarceration, especially if their goal is to stay sober.

7. Keep Your Chin Up:

So many emotions come with loving an addict. Maybe you feel embarrassed, angry, ashamed, a failure, to name a few. But the reality is that it can happen to any family. Do you believe that every family is perfect? There are struggles everywhere. It might not be so obvious. The person who is struggling is the one you love. Not the drug. Not the behavior. If you feel judged by others, then move on! That person has more significant problems and has to make you feel small so they can feel better. Don't give up! Hold your head up high.

8. Invest in Yourself:

There are many ways to invest in yourself. This includes your mental, physical and spiritual health. Some examples of this may be to create a healthy community, create personal goals and each day strive to move towards them, get a personal trainer, a health coach, listen to positive and encouraging podcasts. Learn something new to focus on. Learning a new skill helps prevent your mind from wandering into unproductive and unhealthy areas.

What action you take to invest in yourself looks different for every one and it does not always have to cost money. Pause for just a moment and ask yourself what you could do today to start investing in yourself. Value yourself. You are worth it!

9. Change Your Mindset:

You can not control an addict. You can only control the way you respond to the situation. Time is one thing we can not get back in life. Make the most of each day; do not let the situation steal your joy.

Psalms 118:24 (NLT), “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

You never know what this day will bring. This day might be when your addict is ready for help, and the healing begins.

10. Gratitude:

Have a thankful heart and don't forget to notice the simple things in life. Count your blessings each day, write them down, and add to them daily. The Bible tells us this and research shows that having gratitude will not only change your life, but will have a significant impact on your life.

A research article, 35 Scientific Benefits of Gratitude: Mental Health Research Findings for 2025, is a comprehensive study that further explains this.

Here is one verse from God's word about gratitude.
1Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV), “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Start today and begin to shift your perspective and have gratitude for the little things as well as the big things. Give it a try.

11. Give Yourself Grace:

Be kind to yourself daily. Love yourself. Life is made up of choices. You are not choosing drugs for your addicted loved one. This life of addiction is not the life you want for yourself or them. You can not take responsibility for it. Other than Jesus Christ himself, name a human who does not fall short. So, give yourself grace!

Romans 3:23-25 (NLT), “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.”

12. Love:

Love yourself. Love the person with an addiction and hate the behavior.

One thing will always remain true with every human. We all need to be loved.

1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV), “Love never fails.”

13. Root Yourself in Faith:

Faith was and is our solid foundation. Walking through this without faith is unimaginable to me.

Here are a few ways you can root yourself in faith.

Pray.

Praying is simply talking to God. There is no magic formula. It is a conversation that develops into the most incredible relationship one can have—a relationship with the creator—the one who created you, loves you, and is only a breath away!

Listen to Christian music.

We have worship songs playing 24 hours a day in our home. The timing of the songs always amazes me. If you are a believer, I challenge you to try it. What helps me is having a go-to song that gives me peace. One of my favorite songs that gives me peace is When I Say Jesus-Life.Church Worship. I encourage you to find a go-to song that brings you peace. It is incredible how powerful a song can be!

Get into God's word and read the Bible.

If you don't have a Bible, you can get the YouVersion Bible app on your phone, or you can go online to read it. Watch how it will transform your life and the lives of those around you.

Find a church home.

Surround yourself with positive people who can do life with you, encourage you, and pray with you. We found that having a support system of believers was life-changing for us. We were able to ask for prayer for both us and our boys. If you don't have a church home, you can always attend an online church. We attend life.church. It is a church that meets at multiple locations, and it even has an online community and online life groups!

Rooting yourself in faith is by far the most important tip and life-changing!

Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV), “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

The chaos of addiction, if allowed, can be all-consuming.

Often times loving an addict can lead to fear and anxiety, with the biggest fear of the unknown. Fear always leads to an outcome that is not positive or productive. Fear is a thief. It is destructive and takes us down a road that can be paralyzing. God does not give us a spirit of fear.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT), “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

Now, let me remind you that it is only human to have fear, or it would not be mentioned so much in the Bible. Faith crushes fear by believing and keeping your eyes on the hope and love of Jesus.

What we do know is that life is hard and not perfect. When you put your trust in Christ and seek Him, He will not leave you and He will carry you. Keep the faith, because with these tips and faith, you can keep moving forward, one day at a time.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV) reads, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Today is your day to begin your journey of living your best life when loving an addict and loving yourself.

What tip will you try today to regain control of your life?

Thanks for coming along with me today. I challenge you to turn the corner today and give even one tip a try and start getting your life back.

A prayer for you:

Lord, Please give me wisdom for my next steps and how to better communicate with _______. I ask you to carry me and be my strength when my strength is gone. Please, Lord, watch over ________ and keep him/her safe. I pray for you to put people in his/her path that will point _______ to Jesus and break the chains of addiction. In Jesus' name, Amen.

If you do not know who Jesus is, ask him into your heart today!

Jesus, I know I am a sinner. I believe that you came to earth, were crucified for me, conquered death, and rose from the grave three days later. I believe You are preparing a place for me in heaven, and You will come again. I invite you into my heart to live and dwell with me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for being my Lord and Savior! In Jesus' name, Amen.

I am so excited for you! For the next steps and more information, go to my Grow Your Faith page, where you will find some free resources.

If you would like us to pray for you or your loved one with addiction. Please visit my prayer page and submit a prayer request. It would be a privilege to pray for you. We believe that prayer broke the chains of addiction for our boys and carried us when we had nothing else left. God is good. All He asks from you is to believe with your whole heart and pray.

Who is Jesus to you? If you have doubts, my challenge is to do your research.

A blog you may find helpful during this season is 21 Powerful Bible Verses About Storms of Life.

This post was all about tips to help you live your best life possible when loving an addict and loving yourself.

“FAITH CRUSHES FEAR BECAUSE HOPE IS ETERNAL AND LOVE NEVER FAILS”